Wednesday, March 3, 2010

That Gym Guy

I started going to the gym about 5 weeks ago. During those times in the gym, I think a lot, I process a lot of life, I release stress, I escape reality, I pray, I people watch, and on top of all that, I am losing weight. I love being in the gym.

Upon spending many hours in the gym over the years, I have come realize that there are many (what I like to call) “Gym Guys” that you should never become. I have given these “Gym Guys” names and descriptions. I only ask that you read these descriptions and NEVER become one of these six Gym Guys…

THE “I GRUNT SO LOUD EVERYBODY IN THE GYM HEARS ME” GYM GUY. You can hear this guy lifting weights in the parking lot. This is the obnoxious guy that makes everybody else in the gym feel uncomfortable because he is obscenely grunting like a drunken mule. You are not sure if his head is going to explode or if he has turrets. The really obnoxious ones might even end a lift by declaring for all to hear, “Man, that burns!” Don’t be that guy.

THE “I MAX OUT EVERY TIME I LIFT” GYM GUY. If you are not familiar with the term “max out”, that simply means the maximum of weight you can lift one time for a specific exercise. The occasional max out is ok, but should never be done on a consistent basis. If you do max out all the time, it screams insecurity. These Gym Guys probably go around obsessively asking everybody how much they can bench and probably can be caught flexing in the mirrors. Don’t be that guy.

THE “I AM OFFICIALLY SPONSORED BY UNDER ARMOR” GYM GUY. This guy is decked out from head to toe in official Under Armor. The official clothing size of this guy is “tight”. Headbands and wristbands are probably visible. This guy lives life by the motto: look good, play good. Don’t be that guy.

THE “I STILL USE THE POWER LIFTING CHALK/POWDER” GYM GUY. These guys leave a constant reminder for anybody that follows them that they are serious weight lifters. Instead of wearing weight lifting gloves or going all natural, these guys powder those paws up to get that moisture-free, tight grip. One, it is not 1987. Two, you are not going to be winning Mr. Olympia anytime soon. Three, you make a huge, nasty mess everywhere you go that I do not want to touch. Don’t be that guy.

THE “EVERY TIME I LIFT I CYCLE THROUGH 15 EXERCISES BUT GET MAD IF YOU INTERRUPT MY CIRCUIT” GYM GUY. This guy does not take the traditional approach of going to one exercise, pumping out three lifts, and going on to the next exercise. No, this guy takes 15 different exercises, using 15 different machines or equipment, and goes through a circuit or cycle of exercises. This guy will do one exercise, leave the weight on the bar, go work out other places for 35 minutes, but will expect that no one move or use that original exercise. This person acts like they own the gym. This person can be seen rolling his eyes a lot in frustration at people using “his” equipment. Don’t be that guy.

THE "I DONT CARRY A SWEAT RAG BECAUSE I DONT SWEAT" GYM GUY. This is the guy who believes he does not sweat, does not carry a towel around, and leaves his DNA everywhere. Don't be that guy.

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That’s some free advice. Don’t be any of those “Gym Guys”. Can you think of any more “Gym Guys”?

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