grace, mercy, love and more

A thousand times I failed you, but your mercy is still there, and when not if I stumble again you will still be there. Lord I want you to consume my life, more than you have been, and Lord I thirst for more of you. Lord I do not want to be a well that dries up; I want to produce for you until the day we meet. Lord you will still be good even when I am not, even when I break your heart with my words and actions. Lord I want more, my soul is literally crying out for you, to you for more Lord. Lord I release you to work in my life, Lord help me to embrace this change. Lord get me out of the way and use this vessel that you have made. Lord I am made to be used by you and to give you praise. What good am I if I cannot do either? Lord God I want to have an Isaiah chapter 6 experience. Lord with my hand raised high I offer myself to you. Here I am Lord, send me! Lord use me to ignite Fairfield, ignite a blaze that will bring change to a city that can also bring change to a state, then a country and a world. Lord do not let us get stagnant in our walk with you; do not let us get comfortable, Lord I pray that if comfort is being established than take it away. Lord there is no room for comfort zones with the life I want; I want a life where I am never satisfied in you. You are good and I want to proclaim it to the whole world. Lord teach to stop, teach me to be content, teach me what it looks like to hang out with you for a day. Lord I can’t stop longing for you. All of you Lord, not just a part of you, Lord that I may seek you and when I find you I will know there is more. Lord the cry of my heart is to praise you, you know my future, and you have it mapped out. You know my dreams Lord but those are my dreams, I want your dreams. Lord let me dream your dreams for my life. Give me God sized dreams, let me wake up thinking there is no way, but you know there is a way. Lord help me, I have my weaknesses and you know them, help me make them strengths, Lord take control of those areas and fill it with you. Lord I love you, all I want to do is please you, take this life as you see fit and mold me, and make me what I need to be to do your kingdom’s glory. Lord I went through some struggles the past month Lord but I know that has only made me stronger in my relationship with you.

Lord consume me.

some say...

According to dictionary.com "God is a Deity in theistic and deistic religions and other belief systems. representing either the sole deity in monotheism or a principle deity in polytheism."

some say you don't exist... but I know you do
Some say your far away... but I know your right here with me
some say your angry... But I know your loving
some say your too busy for me... but I know your waiting for me
some say your nothing... but I know your everything
some say you didn't die for us... but I know your my savior
some say your just in my imagination... but I have felt, heard and talked to you

there are many more things as to what people say about God but I know this for sure... he is my healer, redeemer, friend, ever present help in times of need, wonderful, provider, my beginning, my end, the reason I breathe, the reason I do what I do. Most importantly, I say God is my EVERYTHING.

God

For the past two weeks I have really been trying to figure out what God is to me. If I had one word to describe him what word would it be? I have been thinking about it alot, and I think I have that word. That word has to be - everything-. God truely is my everything, I dont make decisions with out him, I know he guides my path, makes my path straigh. With Him I can do anything.

For the first time in my life I really understand that God is number one in my life. I think to make God number one you have to surrender all to him. I thought it was impossible but I realize God is the God of impossible. God has everything in my life, he has my past, present and future. Even when it looked like he didnt have my future I can now look back and realize he knew everything. he knew the heartache, the pain, the tears, the hell I would have to go through to appreciate who he is. For that I would not change a thing.

Jesus...

for the past couple of weeks, well really since I moved to Sacramento I have had a feeling that I am not good enough to do the task God has called me too. that I was inadequate to be a youth pastor, I would fail, I'm not called, or I'm not prepared enough, I wont be successfull, I will ruin someone elses walk with God because of a mistake I might make. these things I have been listening to and believing them. Monday I was listening to Glen Berteau, and his message was about speaking prophetically about others and ourselves. you see the enemy was trying to steal my calling, kill my calling and destroy me from doing what God has for me. He encouraged us to start speaking into our lives and speak truth and changed thinking. I started praying over my ministry and praying for the dry bones to come to life again. My prayer time has been getting intense lately too. My last post was about a vision God gave me at 2am. I wrote this yesterday morning about what I have been going through... the ending is the best.

"Its been like I was walking through the valley, I thought I was alone in this walk, I looked to my left and I saw the wilderness, I looked ahead, it was dull as nothing was there, but then I looked to my right, Jesus was there holding my hand, keeping my from falling and he wispered to me, I am always with you."

Be Still

Im sitting last night in pitch black, waiting for God. Im putting psalm 46: 10 into practice in my life. God gave me a new vision for what I want to see in my ministry, this is my new purpose statement for ministry.

To see a generation have an encounter with God where they will have no choice but to seek him and impact their world.

I do not know how I see this happening and it scares me that God would give this to me but Im all for it. I know God will refine this but I wanted to get this down so I dont forget this. Its amazing what happens when we shut up and spend time with God in the quiet and just listen to his voice. He speaks to us when we ask and lately I have been doing alot of asking. I have been spending alot of time on my face before God, trying to sit at his feet, seeking his heart and trying to connect with him in a way I never have.