The cry of my heart...

Revelation 3:16 "But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!"

Im jumping in with everything I have, into pathway, God, friendships, getting mentored, learning how to do my job better, getting where I need to be spiritually, mentally and in every aspect of my life. I am tired of being on fire in some areas of my life and lukewarm in some. From now on every single area will be ablaze so I pray…

Set me on fire, God, so that I may burn against the night. I dont want to carry a flame. I want to be the torch, that can lead others out of the darkness. What words can I convey to explain the passion that burns in me? I dont want an experience that fades away in a moment of emotion, I want a radical transformation at the very core of who I am. I am longing for the deep that calls to deep, that compels me to long even more. I do not long to be satisfied. No, I want to thirst, so that I may become more thirsty. I want to drink of your presence hoping to only come back for more. Let me be part of this fellowship of the burning heart. No expression explains the paradox of this deep longing that is never satisfied, yet it is the very dissatisfaction that draw me closer to You. To have it fulfilled would only end the pursuit that keeps me seeking, longing, desiring. I desire holiness that can only be found through fire. Touch me with coal from the fire, cleansing me, the very part of me Ive grown to hate. Let your holy fire burn every part, the part of me that gets in the way of longing after You, pursuing You, giving all to You. I pray to remain dissatisfied with the now, the present, the current. Let me remain dissatisfied with holding on to a fleeting moment of spiritual passion. No, let me continue to long for the journey that takes me though the valleys, through the mountain tops, through the storms, and through the rain. For this moment is only a glimpse of what awaits. This moment is only a whisper from the voice that calls to me. I do not want to be satisfied with this moment, for in this moment, I see what lies beyond.

things that keep me awake at night

no not scary monsters like one would expect and anyways I have a nightlight for that...

- who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off the bus?
- how does soap go from a liquid to a foam just by pushing the pump down?
- who thought of words that we use daily? like lube and road? just funny words
- if coffee is made from a bean would that make coffee a musical fruit?
- who decides what is a fruit and what is a vegetable?
- Is melon a fruit a vegetable of just its own thing? is it its own entity? like vegetable, melon and fruit?


ok me head hurts now...

confidence...

how does one get confidence? especially in a situation where I am scared out of my mind for what I am doing? Ministry scares me, It scares me to death, I dont know if this is normal. It does scare me to death but it also excites me more than I think I can express. I was told I do not show confidence, that I am a nice guy with a good heart but I am not a good leader because I dont express my confidence.

So now here I am trying to figure out how to show confidence in a situation where I am not all that confident. Where do I start to do this? how do I do this? are there blogs about leadership and not sucking at interviews? Are there good books to read on this subject? Does confidence come from experience? does it come from studying the subject? and how does one study interviewing for a church position?

I think Im getting more and more frustrated by the day, I can go back go my blog I wrote yesterday. Im trying to apply being content in my life to my life and now I have to mix in being confident. this is almost to much for me to have to process all at once. what do to, what to do?

Contentment...

I was asked today what is the one thing in my life that holds me back from being all that I can be. My first thought was I procrastinate to much, but that wasnt what he was looking for, he was looking for something deeper. As I sat and thought about the question all I could think about was how people my age were married, had full time jobs, had families and I didnt have any of that. I then shared that, see I dont like to make myself vulnerable to people, and this was a very vulnerable thing to share with five other people. I shared that I am not bitter at all, I love that poeple around me are happy but that I am not content.

I just question why I am 25 single and work for free. I know that I am getting great training at the district office but still, why was I one of the ones who could not get a full time job out of college? what does God have in store for me? now the question I ask myself is how do I get content? do I pray for it? change my mindset? hmmm...

I have never thought about contentment untill today? what makes a person content? can I have all the things I want and still not be content? Is anyone in this world content? what makes a person content? what does contentment look like?

I guess I just need to give this up to Jesus and not focus on it anymore...

the past couple weeks

my life the past couple weeks has been crazy but so amazing... this is my first true day off since June 26th. let me say I love what I do but its a lot of work sometimes. here is a small breakdown of what i have been doing the past three weeks

June 29th-July 3rd- camp Jenness
July 5th- 12th- Las Vegas Missions trip
July 13th-16th- Bethany Jr. High camp
July 27th - 30th- Bethany camp number 2

all three things were simply amazing. God did great things within those trips. he really touched the kids and the leadership team. I feel I am better equipped as a leader thanks to the past three weeks. God has really stretched me and molded me into what he wants me to be in this era of my life. I got the privilege to preach in front of 60 youth kids, get to know 14 youth kids from sac. and cameron park, and serve God.

My favorite part of the week was getting to serve homeless people in vegas, and getting to talk to people in a nursing home. Its sad how many people get stashed into a nursing home and forgotten about. these people have so much to offer and yet the people they love the most forget about them. It makes me sad and mad. mad that people can just forget about people they love... It truly breaks my heart, why do people do this?

This aspect of ministry really touches me, because although we are younger, some much younger, we are not so different. We all want the same things in life, we want to be loved, talked to, entertained and so on. this is why I think a nursing home ministry is vital to any ministry. in fact I think any ministry that exists needs to have some kind of outreach, whether it be nursing home, homeless, or anything one can think of. Ministry does not just happen on sunday mornings and maybe a midweek service. to me ministry is a 24/7 job. some are just called to serve in a church.

there are many things I want to be with my youth ministry when the time arises but one of the main things I want to set the tone with in my ministry will be service. My last semester at Bethany I led a homeless feeding outreach. these are the times where ministry is at it peak. these are the times where I believe Jesus is looking down with a bigger smile on his face than usual.

On a side note, being sun burnt on your feet is just about the worst spot to be sun burnt... it hurts to bad...

I also do not like the change david crowder made to How he loves us. am I alone in this?

outlook right now...

Dear God,

Did you make my life a tragedy or a comedy or a mixture of both? I meet a great girl, but she isn’t ready to date and doesn’t know when she will be. I mean come on, how many times do I have to deal with liking a girl who isn’t ready to date. Like really God? Come on… that makes me think it’s a comedy, I have to deal with the same things every time. Its like you are showing your sense of humor. But when I do get close and we talk about a relationship, she backs off and says she isn’t ready. Life is grand some times. After much thought I have come to realize that it’s a mixture of both. I cannot win no matter what I do… oh the comedy of it, and the tragedy of it too…

sincerely
me

one more thought...

Am I the only one that feels awkward using the automatic flushing toilet? the red light reminds me of a camera and totally creeps me out...

more thoughts...

- why do people sing, come Lord Jesus come? Jesus is already there, we dont need to invite him in...

- fireworks are just about the most beautiful thing to look at when done right...

- coffee from temple is about the most amazing coffee ever...

- is it fair for a lady that is jehovah witness to try and convert 4 A.G. Ministers?

- I was told by that JW lady that God got confused and made satan evil... umm someone doesnt read there bible...

- 89 days untill I get a new cell phone!!!!

- rebecca st. james is the best female christian singer alive today...

- I wish for just a second that males could understand females...