James 5:16 - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
It started in middle school when I decided it would be the cool thing to do. I joined a youth choir and worshiped God through it. I thought I was so cool for worshiping God with my peers. As I continued to sing and grow I started thinking I was better than most people. I would raise my hands in worship during songs but I had no clue what I was doing or what it symbolized. I started hanging out with the wrong group and it cost me a lot. I was a Christian on Tuesday nights and Sunday morning, and a jerk the rest of the days.
While in high school I was still involved with the youth choir and being a 2 day Christian. I struggled with my language and my friendships. My so called best friend lived with his then girlfriend, I thought this was normal. My parents always told me that you wait till you get married to live with someone but I always thought they were old and from a different generation. I dated a girl right after graduation from high school and learned a lot. I learned that I cannot control myself sometimes. I ended the relationship after three months because I knew I had stuff in me that needed to be fixed.
I have to admit I am a selfish person, it’s my human nature. My relationship to the girls I’ve dated have proven that. I put my wants over Gods wants. Through all of this I've been a youth leader, intern, Sunday school teacher and anything else that was asked of me. I'm sorry to those of you I may have hurt. Battle got the best of me once again. I wasn't ready for the responsibility.
Truth is I am not the person I want people to think I am. I am not a good Christian, I am trying with everything I have in me to be but it’s too hard. Its hard to have God number one in my life. I ask so many people how and no one has the way. Everyone just says pray and seek God, but how? How do I seek God, I read and pray everyday and I feel I’m in the same position with him as I was a month ago. I’m no closer to him than I was a year ago, it may seem that way but only because I can put on a good front.
I’ve been struggling a lot lately, struggling with my walk and my life. I want to give every facet of my life to God but there are some things I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to give them to God although he wants me to give them to him. I don’t understand this. I know this life is not supposed to be easy but is it supposed to be this hard.
Please pray for me…
1 comment:
u know u r always in my prayers. Just know u have someone going through the same thing as u right here. I know it's hard and it seems almost impossible, and no one has the answers you want to hear. And I don't have the answers and I'm getting frustrated myself. But I just trust God will show me the way and honor the fact I'm trying my best to follow Him. Remember Mark 11:24 "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."
Keep pursuing Him with everything you have in you... and you are a great man of God, believe that and know it. Know God is proud of you and I am too. You have changed and grown alot more than you think.
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