Wednesday, October 31, 2007
life
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh...its not fair...why dont I understand you...if you want me to go through hell to get to know you more than your doing a great job of putting me through it. Im getting to know you more and talking to you more...but you wont take the pain...whatever...sit there and dont do anything...thanks alot...God
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
my wonderings
so I was reading the story of abraham and Isaac and thought to myself some questions just wondering what you all think.
1. why didnt abraham argue with God about killing his innocent son? he argued with God when god told him his intentions to kill the sodomites' sons and daughters.
2. why did Abraham keep what God told him a secret? what would he have told sarah about him being home without there son?
3. what did Abraham and Isaac talk about on there journey home? I mean it was about a three day journey? really it appears more likely that Abraham returned home alone. and he never spoke to his son again. Isaac never saw his father alive again. it seems that even though God gave Abraham his son backon the altar of sacrifice, Abraham never did get his son back.
4. Isaac was old enough to know what was going on, he carried his own wood to the mountain. why did Abraham make his son carry his own wood he was going to kill him with. was this like Jesus having to carry his own cross?
5. if God asks us to do some stuff that we think is wrong(like this) how do we distinguish the voice of God from counterfeit voices such as a demon or something like that?
ok thats all I have, my wonderings may be crazy but its what I think about. (and while I was writing this we had an earthquake)
1. why didnt abraham argue with God about killing his innocent son? he argued with God when god told him his intentions to kill the sodomites' sons and daughters.
2. why did Abraham keep what God told him a secret? what would he have told sarah about him being home without there son?
3. what did Abraham and Isaac talk about on there journey home? I mean it was about a three day journey? really it appears more likely that Abraham returned home alone. and he never spoke to his son again. Isaac never saw his father alive again. it seems that even though God gave Abraham his son backon the altar of sacrifice, Abraham never did get his son back.
4. Isaac was old enough to know what was going on, he carried his own wood to the mountain. why did Abraham make his son carry his own wood he was going to kill him with. was this like Jesus having to carry his own cross?
5. if God asks us to do some stuff that we think is wrong(like this) how do we distinguish the voice of God from counterfeit voices such as a demon or something like that?
ok thats all I have, my wonderings may be crazy but its what I think about. (and while I was writing this we had an earthquake)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
feelings
take it Lord... take it all.
take every last bit of it.
Lord when all else fails you are there.
your always there... for me
why? why did you let this happen?
why do you put those who love and serve you through hell?
why do those who dont serve you get the easy life?
why? its not fair.
I walk with you, I talk with you
is that not enough for you?
what more do you want from me
you have what you want now fix me.
break me.....please
thats all I ask.
just break me.
start from the beginning
from start to finish your there with me.
why do I feel like your so close to me
yet so far away?
I want to reach out and touch you.
Lord I release it to you...
the pain, the hurt, the love.
take it from me,
I no longer want to go through this hell.
take every last bit of it.
Lord when all else fails you are there.
your always there... for me
why? why did you let this happen?
why do you put those who love and serve you through hell?
why do those who dont serve you get the easy life?
why? its not fair.
I walk with you, I talk with you
is that not enough for you?
what more do you want from me
you have what you want now fix me.
break me.....please
thats all I ask.
just break me.
start from the beginning
from start to finish your there with me.
why do I feel like your so close to me
yet so far away?
I want to reach out and touch you.
Lord I release it to you...
the pain, the hurt, the love.
take it from me,
I no longer want to go through this hell.
Monday, October 22, 2007
book list
so here is my reading list.. I am currently reading everyone of these books. I need to find time to finish all of these.
1. out of the question...into the mystery. getting lost in teh Godlife relationship
2. buck naked faith. a brutally honest look at stunted christianity
3. Mere Christianity
4. Your first two years in youth ministry
5. a tale of three kings
6. The Gospel according to starbucks
7. Every mans battle
8. Velvet Elvis
9. Sex God
10. Jesus in the margins
11. the bible
yeah I need more time in my day. if you have read any of these books let me know what ya think of em.
1. out of the question...into the mystery. getting lost in teh Godlife relationship
2. buck naked faith. a brutally honest look at stunted christianity
3. Mere Christianity
4. Your first two years in youth ministry
5. a tale of three kings
6. The Gospel according to starbucks
7. Every mans battle
8. Velvet Elvis
9. Sex God
10. Jesus in the margins
11. the bible
yeah I need more time in my day. if you have read any of these books let me know what ya think of em.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Break me
God break me. break the inner core of me. make me the man you want me to be. give me desires only for you. im releasing everything to you. Take controll of my life, mold me. be the center of my life, Lord I want to wake and go to sleep with you. be my thoughts and my passions, be my breath of life. I offer up controll and know that you take it from me.
Break me...
Break me...
Sunday, October 7, 2007
my confession
James 5:16 - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
It started in middle school when I decided it would be the cool thing to do. I joined a youth choir and worshiped God through it. I thought I was so cool for worshiping God with my peers. As I continued to sing and grow I started thinking I was better than most people. I would raise my hands in worship during songs but I had no clue what I was doing or what it symbolized. I started hanging out with the wrong group and it cost me a lot. I was a Christian on Tuesday nights and Sunday morning, and a jerk the rest of the days.
While in high school I was still involved with the youth choir and being a 2 day Christian. I struggled with my language and my friendships. My so called best friend lived with his then girlfriend, I thought this was normal. My parents always told me that you wait till you get married to live with someone but I always thought they were old and from a different generation. I dated a girl right after graduation from high school and learned a lot. I learned that I cannot control myself sometimes. I ended the relationship after three months because I knew I had stuff in me that needed to be fixed.
I have to admit I am a selfish person, it’s my human nature. My relationship to the girls I’ve dated have proven that. I put my wants over Gods wants. Through all of this I've been a youth leader, intern, Sunday school teacher and anything else that was asked of me. I'm sorry to those of you I may have hurt. Battle got the best of me once again. I wasn't ready for the responsibility.
Truth is I am not the person I want people to think I am. I am not a good Christian, I am trying with everything I have in me to be but it’s too hard. Its hard to have God number one in my life. I ask so many people how and no one has the way. Everyone just says pray and seek God, but how? How do I seek God, I read and pray everyday and I feel I’m in the same position with him as I was a month ago. I’m no closer to him than I was a year ago, it may seem that way but only because I can put on a good front.
I’ve been struggling a lot lately, struggling with my walk and my life. I want to give every facet of my life to God but there are some things I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to give them to God although he wants me to give them to him. I don’t understand this. I know this life is not supposed to be easy but is it supposed to be this hard.
Please pray for me…
It started in middle school when I decided it would be the cool thing to do. I joined a youth choir and worshiped God through it. I thought I was so cool for worshiping God with my peers. As I continued to sing and grow I started thinking I was better than most people. I would raise my hands in worship during songs but I had no clue what I was doing or what it symbolized. I started hanging out with the wrong group and it cost me a lot. I was a Christian on Tuesday nights and Sunday morning, and a jerk the rest of the days.
While in high school I was still involved with the youth choir and being a 2 day Christian. I struggled with my language and my friendships. My so called best friend lived with his then girlfriend, I thought this was normal. My parents always told me that you wait till you get married to live with someone but I always thought they were old and from a different generation. I dated a girl right after graduation from high school and learned a lot. I learned that I cannot control myself sometimes. I ended the relationship after three months because I knew I had stuff in me that needed to be fixed.
I have to admit I am a selfish person, it’s my human nature. My relationship to the girls I’ve dated have proven that. I put my wants over Gods wants. Through all of this I've been a youth leader, intern, Sunday school teacher and anything else that was asked of me. I'm sorry to those of you I may have hurt. Battle got the best of me once again. I wasn't ready for the responsibility.
Truth is I am not the person I want people to think I am. I am not a good Christian, I am trying with everything I have in me to be but it’s too hard. Its hard to have God number one in my life. I ask so many people how and no one has the way. Everyone just says pray and seek God, but how? How do I seek God, I read and pray everyday and I feel I’m in the same position with him as I was a month ago. I’m no closer to him than I was a year ago, it may seem that way but only because I can put on a good front.
I’ve been struggling a lot lately, struggling with my walk and my life. I want to give every facet of my life to God but there are some things I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to give them to God although he wants me to give them to him. I don’t understand this. I know this life is not supposed to be easy but is it supposed to be this hard.
Please pray for me…
Thursday, October 4, 2007
the good guys in sports
the colorado rockies have voted to give a share of thier postseason earning to the wife of late rockies minor league coach mike coolbaugh. yet another reason to root for this underdog team. coolbaugh was struck by a line drive earlier this season in the head, he was pronounced dead moments later. I really want the rockies to win the world series now, these guys are playing baseball for the right reasons and know that its a game and life is more imporant. if you want to read the article on espn.com here is the link. better the rockies than the padres right? by the way padres fans hows trevor hoffman doing these days? sorry couldnt resist.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
today is day three of no fantasy sports, 28 more to go. anyways on to my ramblings
so I sit here watching the playoff game between the phillies and rockies and I feel myself torn between rooting for both teams. Every team in the NL is lovable(except the team from AZ). so who do I root for? Is it ok to root for 3 teams to make it? in the Al I want the indians to go to the world series, cant stand the yankees, the redsucks need to beat the ANAHIEM angels of southern california below LA, but go indians. so I guess you could say im rooting for the phillies, cubs, rockies and indians. I think I have to root for colorado just because there setup man Brian Fuentes is from merced, ca. he is currently pitching and has walked the leadoff man.
so in the 8th inning rockies outfielder matt holliday hit a homerun, and the fan threw it back on the field. are you kidding me? those balls are about 20 dollars if you buy them. you caught one, keep it stupid. I can honestly say that if I caught a homerun ball off a batter not a dodger I would keep it, unless that batters name is barry bonds then its gets thrown back in the field and hopefully hits him in the head. ok so now im rambling.
today was cool, I had lunch with clc youth pastor Kyle Hopkins, hes an amazing guy and I feel we can talk about anything. we talked about sports, life and God, I really enjoy talking about life and God with people. I love to see others views on God and how he has shaped people. lunch was good and so was the conversation.
I had this song on my iPod and didnt know it I wanted to share it with everone. its called dance with me by northwestworship.
Many songs will fade away
And few things will remain
Melodies and Harmonies will change
Melodies and Harmonies will change
But I’m hearing a new song
I’m hearing a new song
Prechorus:
I’m beginning to hear the angels cry holy
Love song of God, rise in me
I’m surrounded by You here in Your glory,
Love song of God rise in me
Chorus:
I wanna be romanced by the King of the ages
I don’t want to sing of a passion
I’ve never knownI want to get lost in the beauty of Jesus
To dance through the night around Your Throne
Bridge:
So dance with me
So dance with me
so I sit here watching the playoff game between the phillies and rockies and I feel myself torn between rooting for both teams. Every team in the NL is lovable(except the team from AZ). so who do I root for? Is it ok to root for 3 teams to make it? in the Al I want the indians to go to the world series, cant stand the yankees, the redsucks need to beat the ANAHIEM angels of southern california below LA, but go indians. so I guess you could say im rooting for the phillies, cubs, rockies and indians. I think I have to root for colorado just because there setup man Brian Fuentes is from merced, ca. he is currently pitching and has walked the leadoff man.
so in the 8th inning rockies outfielder matt holliday hit a homerun, and the fan threw it back on the field. are you kidding me? those balls are about 20 dollars if you buy them. you caught one, keep it stupid. I can honestly say that if I caught a homerun ball off a batter not a dodger I would keep it, unless that batters name is barry bonds then its gets thrown back in the field and hopefully hits him in the head. ok so now im rambling.
today was cool, I had lunch with clc youth pastor Kyle Hopkins, hes an amazing guy and I feel we can talk about anything. we talked about sports, life and God, I really enjoy talking about life and God with people. I love to see others views on God and how he has shaped people. lunch was good and so was the conversation.
I had this song on my iPod and didnt know it I wanted to share it with everone. its called dance with me by northwestworship.
Many songs will fade away
And few things will remain
Melodies and Harmonies will change
Melodies and Harmonies will change
But I’m hearing a new song
I’m hearing a new song
Prechorus:
I’m beginning to hear the angels cry holy
Love song of God, rise in me
I’m surrounded by You here in Your glory,
Love song of God rise in me
Chorus:
I wanna be romanced by the King of the ages
I don’t want to sing of a passion
I’ve never knownI want to get lost in the beauty of Jesus
To dance through the night around Your Throne
Bridge:
So dance with me
So dance with me
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