worship time

Last night while doing some personal time I was singing a popular song, and along came the line, "Lead me to the cross." Now I admit that at first glance the meaning appears obvious. But as we were singing, I felt compelled to ask myself what it would really mean to have Jesus lead me to the cross. So I paused to reflect on this issue. I asked God to help me understand what this line really means. He gave me a vision which I believe captured the concept perfectly.

In my vision, Jesus came right up to me and grabbed my hand. He started walking, and I followed right behind. We began ascending a hill, and as we neared the top, I noticed there was a cross on the crest of the hill. Suddenly, each step became heavier. And the closer we got, the more painful the experience became. See, I had "visited" the cross many times before, usually to lay my burdens down at the foot of the cross. But each time I have been alone. This time, as I approached the cross, I was far from alone. I was with Jesus himself. And this was quite a different experience. I realized that we were walking to the sight of his death, a death that I contributed to.

Imagine that you were responsible for the death of a loved one. Suppose it was your mother, and her death was your fault. Then imagine that she appeared before you, and you visited the site of her death, how do you think that would make you feel? Would you just enjoy being with her, perhaps setting up a picnic? Or would your response be markedly different? Needless to say, there was no joy in my heart as I visited the site of Christ's death with him. And as if it wasn't bad enough, he was holding my hand as he led me up the hill. I could feel the hole in his hand, a hole I put there.

With each step closer, the weight of my sin was exponentially increasing. It was a crushing feeling. We finally arrived in the shadow of the cross, and tears were gushing out of my eyes. My chest was being crushed, all I could say was, "I'm sorry." Then Jesus turned around (remember, at this point, he had been leading me, I had not seen his face yet). He had a massive smile on his face! "I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" was all I could muster. And with a genuine look of confusion, he asked, "What are you talking about?" Suddenly a flood of scriptures came into my mind. Does the Bible really say that Jesus has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west? And that Christ's atonement made us as though our sins had NEVER even happened? God really doesn't count any of that against me?

Jesus really had no idea what I was talking about. All that guilt from my sin that was devastatingly heavy on my back was suddenly thrown aside, and I felt as though I could fly. At this point, all I could say was, "Jesus, I love you. I love you!!!"

The Bible says that whoever is forgiven little loves little, but whoever is forgiven much loves much. I used to think that was talking about "amounts" of sin, as in the number of sins I'd committed. I now realize it can just as well be talking about amounts in the context of how I feel about those sinse. The number of sins is no matter, to God, one sin is just as grievous as a million. When I felt the weight of my sin, I was at the lowest of lows. When I realized that God had forgiven me, my love reached the highest of highs. I have been forgiven much, and my response to God was more extreme then when I "felt" like I had few sins.