so I believe that God takes us through times in our lives where change occurs. True life changing change, core change. God is changing me, my core, my being. Ive been praying for change for a long time now, but never truely wanted it.

so this last week I met with the worship pastor at clc santa cruz Bobby Marchessault, in talking to him he said that "God doesnt care if we are happy or sad, God cares that we are striving to be like him more and more everyday". for the past three days I have been trying to wrap that around my mind. what does that mean? God doesnt care if we are happy, he just wants us to be following him? why? why this from a loving God? wouldnt God want us happy if we are following him?

The conclusion I came to was Gods main focus is for us to serve him. He never said it would be easy to follow him, he just promised us a great time when we get to heaven. I dont know alot about life and heaven but I know if I trust God and follow him the end result will be more than worth it. my grandfather said once "even if we are wrong and there is no God, atleast we lived for something and it is a much better life." thats so true, ide rather live for something and lose my life fighting for something than to live for nothing and die with no beliefs.

this song touched me today and I hope it touches you too. this sing is called may the words of my mouth by tim Hughes

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heartBless Your name, bless Your name, JesusAnd the deeds of the day and the truth in my waysSpeak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to doIt's time to live a life of love that pleases YouAnd I will give my all to YouSurrender everything I have and follow YouI'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guideBe my hope, be my light and the wayAnd I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earthOnly You'll be the first of my heart

I will followI will followI will follow You